Last week, I wrote about “Evidence-Based Parenting” with Dr. Leonard Sax. In the lecture, Dr. Sax identified four issues facing parents– broken bonds across the generations, a culture of disrespect, video games, and social media – and offered concrete actions that parents can take.
A companion lecture on “Rigor, Emotional Intelligence, and the Real Roots of Success” presented by Dr. Rob Evans and Dr. Michael Thompson, was more reflective. According to Dr. Evans and Dr. Thompson, the key dilemma that parents, teachers, and schools face is this: How do we best prepare children for success?
This is a dilemma and not a problem, they emphasize, because problems have solutions, while dilemmas are something you cope with.
Today, schools tend to focus on academic rigor. That means we expect more from children, even the very young. We expect children to know more at earlier ages. This has a side-effect: high performance leads to high stress, and there is a growing concern about our children’s mental health.
The “soft skills” – or “Emotional Intelligence” (EQ) – are equally important.
In the workplace, skills such as the ability to read a room, empathy, and the capacity to adapt and rebound are more important than IQ (intelligence quotient) or GPA (grade point average). In one study, when asked whether college graduates are prepared for the workplace, businesses revealed that they look for leadership experience, communication, and ethical decision-making in job candidates.
After college, there are two things that predict a person’s success and life satisfaction: a connection with a teacher and involvement in school activities. We all need a sense that someone knows us and cares about us.
Reflection: Did you have a life-changing teacher? If yes, how did they inspire you? Consider the idea that the people who motivate and inspire us are not necessarily the most rigorous.
Reflection: What was your most illuminating experience? Was it in a classroom? Consider the fact that not all important learning is school-based. Trust your child’s development and academic journey.
Reflection: What do you treasure about your child? Consider the idea that one of a parent’s jobs is to accept their child’s strengths and weaknesses, and help them to be their best selves.
Reflection: What have you done as a parent that you’re proud of? Consider that idea that parenting styles don’t matter as much as long as you have strong underlying values and are consistent. Consider leading by example, not by sermon.
Dr. Evans suggests that every once in a while, parents take a “grandparent pill” that lets us think and act like a grandparent for a day – one step removed from parenthood, able to see the best in your child, without being as invested in their actions and attitude.
Who inspired you when you were growing up? What lessons helped you to succeed – and did you learn them in school? If you are the parent or family member of a child, how do you envision their success?
Rob Evans and Michael Thompson are clinical psychologists, school consultants, and authors. Rob is the author of three books, including “Family Matters: How Schools Can Cope with The Crisis in Childrearing.” Michael is the author or coauthor of nine books, including “Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys.”
