Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

I’m in love with the library

October 17, 2017

I appreciate everything that the Friends of Hawaii’s Public Libraries does for the community – buying books, supporting children’s events, sponsoring performances. In honor of National Friends of Libraries Week, we’re singing “Library” to the tune of Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You.”

The club isn’t the best place to find a novel
So the library is where I go (mmmm)
Me and my Friends at the shelves choosing books
Reading fast and then we talk slow (mmmm)
And you come over with a book recommendation just for me
And trust I’ll give it a glance now (mmmm)
Hold that book, stop, get that novel from the bookshelf
And then we start to read
And now I’m singing like

[Chorus 1]
Library, I want your books
Your books are written for somebody like me
Come on now, just let me read
I will be reading, don’t mind me
Shh, Friends, let’s not talk too much
Pick up a book and read that book to me
Come on now, just let me read
Come, come on now, just let me read (mmmm)

[Chorus 2]
I’m in love with the library
We browse and borrow books we see
Although I like Amazon too
I’m in love with the library
Last night I was up too late
And now I can’t wait to debate
Every day I’m reading something brand new
I’m in love with the library

Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with the library
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with the library
Oh I oh I oh I oh I
I’m in love with the library
Every day I’m reading something brand new
I’m in love with the library

One week in we let the story begin
We’re starting in our first book (mmmm)
You and me are carefree, so read all you can read
Settle your mind and settle in a Nook (mmmm)
We read for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour
Flights of fantasy, conflict and courtship (mmmm)
And pause and pick up a new book, the cover got you hooked
Libraries take you on the best trips
And I’m singing like

[Chorus 1]

[Chorus 2]

Every day I’m reading something brand new
I’m in love with the library

 

My best friends from high school is a librarian. Who is your favorite librarian? Why do you visit your favorite library?

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Back to school tips for students

August 1, 2017

Guest blogger: BWL

Summer went by so quickly, and the new school year starts this month. To get us ready for back to school, I turned to my 10-year old son. In the last few weeks of fifth grade, he wrote some tips about being a good student, and I’d like to share them with you.

Tips for doing homework:

  1. Don’t stay up too late and get a good night’s sleep.
  2. Pay attention to subject lessons so you understand the test and questions.
  3. Ask other people for help on questions.

How to ace any test:

  1. Always study your test subject the night before.
  2. If you don’t understand a question or answer, don’t be afraid to ask a teacher or friend for help.
  3. Always try your hardest and pay attention during class.

Tips for public speaking:

  1. Always stay calm.
  2. Practice every day.
  3. Watch other people perform – it might give you a great idea.
  4. Even if you feel confident, always ask your coach and friends for more advice.
  5. Help your fellow public speakers.
  6. Have good posture.
  7. Speak loudly and clearly.
  8. Speak with emotion and passion.
  9. Use hand gestures and don’t fidget with your clothes.
  10. If you feel nervous, think of your audience wearing underpants!

10 ways to be awesome:

  1. Adapt to every situation and make the best of it. Always stay positive even during the darkest times.
  2. Learn something new everyday!
  3. Encourage and inspire people to do good and positive things.
  4. Have many friends, and hang around them, spend time together, and always have fun with them.
  5. Always stay cool and stay one step ahead of everyone else.
  6. Get very, very good grades and stay focused on your assignments due.
  7. Look handsome and very cute.
  8. Play nerdy and geek games such as Minecraft.
  9. Watch YouTube.
  10. Always have fun!

Are you going back to school as a student or teacher, or taking continuing education classes? What advice would you give to students today?

Bug stories

July 18, 2017

Living in Hawaii, I have a great fear and respect for bugs and insects – from ants and cockroaches (especially the bumbucha ones with wings), to the many-legged centipedes and millipedes.

Just for fun, I’m sharing some true bug stories.

Cockroach conspiracy. My rational fear of cockroaches started when I was young. I remember it clearly: I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I turned on the light, and immediate a cockroach flew straight at me. A cockroach with wings! I remember waving my hands ineffectively to try to ward off its attack, and I’m sure I screamed. I don’t remember what happened next, but to this day I try not to get up in the middle of the night. I never know whether a cockroach would fly at me in furious defiance, or scurry away so it can plan a sneak attack, or freeze, daring me to take a step closer. Did I mention it was a flying cockroach?

Cockroach boy. When my son was three years old, he saw a bug on his train tracks. He told my husband, “Pick it up! Pick it up! You a cockroach Dad!” But he picked it up himself.

Footloose. One night after dinner, as I was washing the dishes, I felt a cool sensation on my right leg. I looked down and saw the shadowy figure of a centipede! I shrieked and shook my leg furiously, dislodging the centipede. It was 4-5” long and very active! My husband chased after it with a scissors, but it disappeared into the wall or cabinet. I refused to finish washing the dishes, at least for that night. My son told me, “That’s okay. Sit down and rest,” and he kissed my cheek.

The dangers of macaroni art. In preschool, there is almost always a macaroni art project. For my son, macaroni was used to learn to count. Fast-forward a few months later, and there was a minor uproar in the house when my parents, looking at some of his projects, realized that there were small bugs (worms? maggots?) in his macaroni craft! I immediately tossed it in a trash and tied up the bag tightly.

Centipede karma. One night a centipede crawled across our family room floor. Twice I asked my husband to “get it” (take it away and make sure it never returns – don’t ask, don’t tell). Twice he procrastinated and the centipede made it to safety. A third time, the centipede struck back. My husband was lying on the floor and he suddenly started shaking his leg vigorously. I was mystified. He jumped up and shook his leg frantically, and then admitted that the centipede had crawled up his pants AND BIT HIM! Lesson learned: get the centipede before it gets you.

And last, not a bug story, but just as startling…

A baby gecko almost caused a car accident. Once when we were driving, I felt something tickling the back of my hand. I looked down and saw a baby gecko resting near my thumb. I gave a small shriek and instinctively tossed the baby gecko away – unfortunately, right toward my husband, who braked sharply. “You almost caused an accident,” he accused. “There was a gecko on my hand!” I responded reasonably. A block later, he commented, “There’s a gecko on my foot.”

Are you afraid of bugs, or are you the one everyone calls when bugs show up? Do you have any humorous or scary bug stories?

 

Clipart courtesay of All-Free-Download.com.

Government “encockroaching” on sovereignty

January 17, 2017

Interposition by BWLIllustration by BWL

One year for the Honolulu District Speech Festival, my then 9-year old son chose to recite part of Martin Luther King Jr.’s 1963 “I Have a Dream” speech.

There is a line in King’s speech that reads: “I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of ‘interposition’ and ‘nullification’ — one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.”

My son didn’t know what “interposition” meant, so I asked him to look it up. We both learned that “interposition” is the doctrine that an individual state of the United States may oppose any federal action it believes encroaches on its sovereignty, according to Dictionary.com.

Reading it aloud, my son stumbled over the word “encroaches” and read it as “encockroaches” on its sovereignty.” I immediately had an image of lawmakers at a table facing off against a giant cockroach. It was funny and a little horrifying, so I asked my son to draw a picture of it.

“Encockroaches” could be a real word. It conjures up a place – or a government – overrun with cockroaches. Maybe the cockroaches are bureaucracy or overspending or even political correctness.

Hawaii may not have the history of slavery that parts of the United States does, but Hawaii has lived through internment. We have all faced prejudice at times or struggle with stereotypes. We all have to clean our houses to get rid of cockroaches. And none of us are immune to the threat of government over-reach.

Do you think that the United States has the right balance of federal power and state sovereignty? What about the balance between state sovereignty and individual rights?

Health care blues

January 10, 2017

Health care blues

It seems that there are no cost-savings to being healthy anymore. Last year, we received a health insurance packet with our 2017 monthly premium. It jumped 19% — over $100 per month for our family of three.

 

Now I’m left singing the “Health Care Blues,” to the tune of Elvis Presley’s “Blue Suede Shoes.”

 

Well, it’s one for the copay

Two for the nurse

Three for the doctor

Now open your purse

 

But don’t you

Belittle my health care blues

Well you can pay any fee

But don’t scoff at my health care blues

 

Well, you can get a shot, take an aspirin

Swallow your medicine with a big grin

Well, do any treatment that you want to do

But uh-uh, Congress, don’t pooh-pooh my blues

 

And don’t you

Belittle my health care blues

Well, you can pay any fee

But don’t scoff at my health care blues

 

Let’s go, doc!

Ah, pay the bill

 

You can take a pill, exercise

Eat all the veggies that you despise

Well, do any treatment that you want to do

But uh-uh, Congress, don’t pooh-pooh my blues

 

Rock it

Yeah

 

Well, it’s one for the copay

Two for the nurse

Three for the doctor

Now open your purse

 

But don’t you

Belittle my health care blues

Well you can pay any fee

But don’t scoff at my health care blues

 

Well, it’s blue, blue, health care blues

Blue, blue, health care blues, yeah!

Blue, blue, health care blues, Congress

Blue, blue, health care blues

Well, you can pay any fee

But don’t scoff at my health care blues

 

Happy belated birthday, Elvis.

If children were in charge

November 8, 2016

Kids Vote

2016 has been an extraordinarily stressful election season. Usually, I vote on Election Day at my local polling place, where registration is quick and the room feels relaxed. This year, I voted early at Honolulu Hale: where there was a long, snaking line and serious people willing to spend over 30 minutes to vote.

In honor of Election Day, I’m sharing some thoughts and suggestions from my son over the years. This is just a glimpse of what our world could be like if children were in charge:

What would school be like if you were principal for a week?
Age 8: “If I was principal for [a] week I [would] get smart teachers and give students a little more work and harder work. I would also start school at 8:30 am and end at 3:30 pm because students don’t get enough time to work. Have 4 giant recycling bins so kids would recycle more because I see a lot of bottles around campus. We would also have to wear uniforms everyday except Wed. and Fri. I would also get back 6th grade, and have a class where the kids who don’t have friends get to know more about themselves. Also we would have to do book reports on the books we read, we would have to watch a 30 minute video and write 10 sentences about it, and we would have to jump ropes. These are all suggestions for [the principal].”

Are you too young to vote?
Age 9: “I’m too young to vote but… I’m not too young to know politics and make my own decisions. We have a right to vote. The government is trapping us in a cell, not letting us vote and learn life. I have a dream down in America kids are allowed to vote, right now the government is stopping kids, not letting us know about what America is, and it’s true meaning of freedom of peace.”

What would you do if you were President?
Age 9: “If I was President, I would honor all the educational creature shows, I would recognize them all, and put a recommendation on their channel! After that I [would] ask every scientific organization to see if they can make the teleporting and hyperspace theory! To my genius plan, I would create the “IMF,” cool right? The Impossible Mission Foundation will be an undercover spy organization, conquering national terrorist groups.”

What would you do if you were mayor of Honolulu?
Age 10: “Finish rail. Cut taxes by 10%. Fund programs for a better community.” What kind of programs would you create, I asked. “I would hold fundraisers to raise money for the community.”

Did you vote in the general election? Are you happy with your choices? Do you discuss politics and elections with your children?

 

Clipart from MyCuteGraphics.com.