Further reflections on single motherhood and families

Reflecting further about single motherhood and families… the idea of the American nuclear family (two parents and one or more children) and the concept of single motherhood don’t reflect reality in Hawaii.

My grandfather was raised by a single mother and her parents. My aunt and grandparents helped to raise me. Yet “parents” usually refers to a mother and father.

The way that Americans perceive “family” is changing, and yet American culture, the legal system, and tax systems have not changed.

“Building Bridges, Not Walking on Backs: A Feminist Economic Recovery Plan for COVID-19,” by the Hawaii State Commission on the Status of Women offers recommendations for addressing the structural inequities that affect women and single mothers, such as raising the minimum wage to a living wage ($24.80/hour for single mothers) and paid sick days and paid family leave.

What are other ways that we can support societal changes to our perception of single motherhood and families? One answer is hānai.

Hānai. To raise, rear, feed, nourish, sustain; provider, caretaker.
Keiki hānai, foster child. Makua hānai, foster parent.  
(Ulukai Hawaiian Dictionary)

From birth, American citizens are issued birth certificates listing a birth mother and birth father. A new, gender-neutral section could be added for hānai parents, foster parents, guardians, and caretakers. Other government forms and legal documents, such as healthcare forms and school enrollment forms, could also include hānai parents.

Hānai would affect everyday situations like who can make healthcare decisions for children, who has hospital visitation rights, and who can pick children up from school.

In schools, curriculum, and textbooks, there could be greater acknowledgement of hānai parents. For example, genealogy projects and family histories could be expanded to include a child’s relatives and close family friends. Book recommendations could include stories in which single mothers and fathers, blended families and non-nuclear families are normal.

Hānai would recognize the important caretaker influences in a child’s life, and help reduce any shame or discomfort about coming from a non-nuclear family.

Maybe we can follow Hawaiian tradition and introduce ourselves with not just our name and where we grew up, but also the extended ‘ohana that shaped us, and continue to shape us.

What does hānai mean to you? Who is a hānai child or parent in your life? Could Hawaii become a role model by adopting hānai into the legal and tax system?

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Tags: Family, Foster Families, Hanai, Hawaii State Commission on the Status of Women, Single Motherhood

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